Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I knew Watchmen was going to suck...

...But I had no idea it would suck so much!

Wow, it's just a phenomenally bad movie in just about every aspect. Let's look at some of the ways it sucks:

1. Zach Snyder is a hack. That's not much of a surprise, considering he also made the awful 300 and the OK but unnecessary Dawn of the Dead remake. Watching the film, it's a clear case of someone who got the surface of the story, but none of the depth. And a note to all filmmakers: Enough of the slow motion already! Like 300, the film could have been a half hour shorter if all the slow mo and annoying Matrix-style shots were gone.

2. The structure doesn't make a good film. Watchmen was published as a 12-issue comic book, and writer Alan Moore used that structure to good effect, telling the early part of the story as interlocking short stories before bringing all of the elements together. All of that dense backstory either gets lost or, when introduced, slows the proceedings down to a crawl. It may have worked as a TV series, except...

3. The comic book nature doesn't make a good film, either. Comics are a visual medium, but they exist in a very different storytelling realm that films. Dave Gibbons deliberate, nine-panels -a-page art style makes for plenty of arresting visuals, many of which are captured here. But what's arresting on the page ends up being flat on film, as if the actors are just posing for pictures as opposed to, you know, acting.

4. It also looks very silly. Pulling off costumed super heroes on film is tough -- Christopher Nolan, Sam Raimi and Tim Burton have done it, many others have failed. Again, it's a case where the visual language of comics doesn't make the transition -- or translation -- to cinema. The crystal-clear digital look only hinders matters.

5. The script is... man, is it awful. Watchmen works as character studies while knowingly poking at 50 years of super hero comics. It really isn't meant as a treatise on mid-1980s nuclear politics. So, of course, all of the nuclear fear is pushed to the foreground. Not only does it shift the focus away from the characters, but it makes the twists of the plot screamingly clear. Really, the bad guy should just wear a sign that says "I Am Really Evil."

6. The acting is no better. God, I don't even want to think about the acting again. Acting in a rubber suit or as a digital effect can test a performer, but a group of "professionals" really should do better than this.

The only saving grace? At least I didn't buy it -- thank you Netflix.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Odd bits

A bit of a bug kept me close to home through the weekend, so no exciting news to report, but there was plenty of reading...

1. I didn't get into Metallica until after bassist Cliff Burton had passed away, but those first three lps he played on have always been my favorites. His short life (only 26 when killed in a tour bus crash) has largely remained a mystery over the years, a mystery that Joel McIver explores in his biography, "To Live is to Die."

As it turns out, Burton had a pretty low key life -- he comes off as a nice, everyday dude who lived mainly to play the bass. That was to Metallica's benefit, but does make for a bit of a dull read. The problem is that McIver, despite good access to the other band members and Burton's family and friends, never gets inside his subject. This is also true of Burton's playing, which is given some attention, but apart from some jargon-riddled passages about the bass rig and some touches on music theory, doesn't get to the heart of the matter.

2. Brandon Sanderson, the heir to Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series (his first volume -- of three that will finally end the series -- will be out this fall), has his own complex, fully realized worlds to explore as well. His latest, "Warbreaker," takes us to a suitably Medieval land where magic works. In this case, it's based on a person's "breath" and is also tied to colors. It's both quite derivative and very stupid -- really, it's almost a deal breaker in the first 50 pages -- but Sanderson's skills as a storyteller take over from there. The story includes a pair of princesses trying to save their own kingdom (and stay alive), mysterious, highly skilled mercenaries, a bored God becoming obsessed with who he was before his ascension and plenty of betrayals to keep the action moving. I found that if I substituted "soul" for "breath" and just ignored the whole color thing, even the magic made some kind of sense.

3. Things I learned half-watching a preseason football game on NBC: Jay Leno has some new show coming out; NBC really wants you to watch "Community" this fall; apparently, accidents only happen in slow motion on "Trauma." Oh, I was also reminded why I hate the broadcast networks (I hate the cable networks too, but I don't have that service anymore so I really can't comment).

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Mobius at Colonus, part two

The thrilling conclusion!

(Just a note: you'll want to head down a few posts to part one before reading this...)


Act III

(The ancient world)

Chorus: The king has returned with great wealth, yet the court is unsettled. The people speak of strange lights coming from the heart of the palace. And there are words – rumors – that the king has not just returned for his kingdom. He should be at the pinnacle of his power, so why is there so much unrest in the palace and in the streets of the city?

Look, the oracle comes. We have never seen her outside of the temple.

Voice: I have come far to speak to the king. Please lead me to his chamber at once.

Chorus: What could possibly have brought the Oracle here at this time? We must prepare. We must prepare.

Man “A”: Who calls at my door? Oracle? Why have you left the temple?

Voice: I come with a warning, great king. Your hubris may doom us all. On your most recent journey, you returned with much treasure, but one item in particular confounds you, does it not.

Man “A”: Though you are blind, Oracle, you always see into the heart of the matter. There was one item – a strange thing found in a far away temple of an unknown god. It is black as onyx and shaped in such perfection that only a God may have crafted it. We studied it long and hard on the long road back home, but no one could make any sense of it. It defies all.

Chorus: Defies all! This is not of the Gods at all!

Voice: Oh great king, you must return it to the temple from where it came immediately – or, if that proves impossible, remove it from your kingdom. All is doom if you do not.

Chorus: The oracle speaks not in riddles. The pathway is clear.

Man “A”: Hold. I need some reason for this course of action. How is it that this small object is the cause of all the unrest that blights the land?

Voice: It is not right. It is not correct. It will be the doom of us all.

Chorus: The doom of us all! The Doom of us all!

Man “A”: (shift to modern world): Quiet! Everyone just settle down. I think our colleague has just been working a bit too much in recent weeks. We’ve all been so busy with the trips and spin-offs and everything else that Margaret has on her plate. She’ll be fine soon.

Woman “A”: But what’s this Navigator… and (shift to the ship) who is this Mr. Chambers? I have never heard of one of the computer core’s acting like this. Is there any clue to why it has happened?

Chorus: Mum, none at all. We have begun to examine it via the recommended diagnostics, but we have not uncovered anything that would at all indicate a break down of this magnitude. I think if we were to port over the initial system check…

Woman “A”: Thank you. You may do what you deem necessary, just spare me any details.

Chorus: Yes, mum.

Man “A”: Is it still… talking?

Chorus: Let me reconnect the audio.

Voice: The connection cannot be made. We are doomed. We are doomed. The king has returned to his court. The way is set. Mr. Chambers will not listen. The Navigator has lost all already. Nothing can change the path. Nothing can change the world. We are lost. We are lost.

Man “A”: Disconnect, please. So, our computer has lost its senses – are we able to return home without its guidance?

Chorus: Sir, we can. There are other systems on the ship that can take care of the guide computer’s base systems, but it will be slower. And we will need to be more diligent. The software is ancient for some of these systems and patched together, only working well because of what the main computer can do.

Man “A”: Suggestions.

Woman “A”: Navigator. These troubles started once we brought the artifact on board. Could it not be affecting the systems? It is so similar to our own computer core, perhaps they cannot exist together?

Man “A”: That may be, but it is the reason for this trip. We will not abandon the new core for any reason. We will leave some of the survey and work teams behind – they have enough resources to survive for some time without our aid.

Woman “A”: I will make the assignments.

Man “A”: That is good. However, my dear wife, please do not assign our future daughter to this duty. I would not want our son to be separated from his bride-to-be this close to the marriage. There are plenty of others will good qualifications who can run the work. Anyway, I would prefer to have her on board, to examine the artifact on the journey to home.

Woman “A” (rather chuffed): Yes, Navigator.

(Scene shifts to spaceship lab; whirring sounds, but different than the bridge, are in the background)

Man “B”: Can you work out what it is at all? Besides the obvious, of course?

Woman “B”: The ports have been fused at some time in the past – perhaps there was a crash at some point. Of course, coming here may have done some damage to it. Being ripped from your own place in space and time to this… hell is not easy on anyone, or anything.

Man “B” Don’t dwell on that. We know we are here now, forever. The past is gone.

Woman “B”: Easy for you to say – you were born here. I still have vague recollections of home. Of living under open skies. In a world that made sense. Not like this… place, and this thing. Can you imagine what it was like? I remember that we had a house. Not just a few rooms in a warren with thousands of other people, but an actual house that was surrounded by green fields. We had trees. I remember trees at the very least. Then one day I went out…

Man “B”: Don’t do this to yourself.

Woman “B”: (Ignoring him, they have had this conversation many times before) I went out to play and I saw something… it is all so vague. I’ve spent 20 years trying to remember exactly what it was. I think of a book my parents read to me, about a girl named Alice, so I perceive that I was following a rabbit into the woods. I heard my parents calling for me. And then there was darkness. And then I was here.

Man “B”: In the throne room, as it were. My parents were certainly surprised, but it was to your advantage. You may have come to hell, but at least it was a nice corner of it.

Woman “B”: True. I met you, didn’t I? Now… I wonder if there is some way to “open” one of the sides. Our core has that ability, but I don’t imagine it has been done in many centuries. Perhaps a visit to the computer room will give me some clues. (Pause) I need a break

Man “B”: Would you like to go back to our quarters?

Woman “B”: No, I want to go to the computer room first. I will meet you there in an hour or so. Let me take care of some business first.

(Shift, modern day)

Woman “B”: Harold, I have an idea.

Man “A”: Hmm, and I thought you were here just to see me.

Woman “B”: Well, there’s that as well, but first let me show you what I’ve discovered. (some metallic rustling) There was a latch on this one side of the cube, and I was able to uncover it. I don’t know the origin, but there are spots that I recognize as ports, just like any ordinary pc. The geeks came up with a jury-rigged solution that seems to work. We tried hooking it into a computer, but it didn’t do anything. But we thought to hook it up to a speaker. Listen

Voice: Reboot. Reboot. Reboot Reboot. (continues in background)

Woman “B”: Isn’t that fantastic? We knew we had something special here, but once the reboot finishes, we’ll be able to find out where it came from and what it was used for and …

(sound of kissing)

Man “A”: You are so wonderful!

(More love making sounds, it’s clear that they are letting go of their composure at this point, and are ready to damn the consequences. Those consequences will be heralded by the sound of an opening door)

Woman “A”: Harold! Fuck. I knew this was going on, but I wouldn’t let myself admit it. With…

Man “A”: Please, honey don’t tell our son.

(The door slams)

Voice: Reboot complete. The Navigator has erred and all is now lost. The ship will not return from its journeys. Mr. Chambers has lost the business. The king has lost his mind. The kingdom will burn in fire and be forgotten. The Navigator will float until he burns as well. The kingdoms always burn. The kingdoms always burn.

Man “A”: Did it just say my name?

Voice: We are lost in the darkness. The Navigator will not return. We will burn.

Woman “B”: Harold. What are we going to do?

Man “A”: Who is the Navigator? That’s the same sort of thing Margaret was babbling about. What is this thing?

Woman “B”: Harold, your wife is going to tell your son. What are we going to do?

Man “A”: Does it matter? Do you really want to marry that wet-behind-the-ears boy?

Woman “B”: Harold, listen to yourself… I hear someone coming.

(The door opens, and we shift back to the space ship, the voice continues to babel in the background)

Woman “A”: Here is what the Navigator and your bride-to-be have been doing. For how long, dear, months? Years?

Man “A”: Please, let me explain.

Man “B”: Do not attempt to explain… what is that? Who reconnected the computer’s voice?

Woman “B”: it isn’t from our computer, it’s from the cube we found.

Woman “A”: But…

Voice: All is lost. The Navigator has left the system. The route is set. The end is here.

Man “B”: How does it know?

Voice: Failure is imminent. Mr. Chambers has been discovered. The king is lost within his own lust. The Navigator cannot see the path to light. All is lost. All is lost. All is lost. All is lost. (Continues until the act break).

Act IV

(This plays out on the bridge, in the board room and in the court of the king. At this point, all three have reached this stage: they’ve discovered that there’s something odd about the artifact that somehow links them together; they’ve been warned to return the cube; and the affair between Man “A” and Woman “B” have been discovered. There will be shifts throughout the scene, as seen fit)

Woman “A”: We must go back. We cannot leave our people on the recommendation of my husband and this… woman here. And there can be no new empire now. We must remove the other computer from our presence, or I fear we will all be doomed.

Woman “B”: No, this is the greatest find in centuries of exploration… a new computer core..

Woman “A”: Why is she here? There is nothing that the former explorations officer can add to the discussion.

Man “A”: Former? Who made that decision. This is my ship, not yours. I will decide when officers are no longer needed, and perhaps that includes you, first officer.

Woman “A”: You wouldn’t dare. The crew would mutiny against you, especially considering what you have done. The news is certainly racing through the whole ship as we speak and I’m sure everyone is wondering why we left so many good crew back at the site, when she was allowed to stay on board.

Man “A”: They wouldn’t dare (shift to modern) This is my company. I build this with my own bare hands.

Woman “A”: And your father’s money, don’t forget that.

Man “A”: Be quiet! I will not apologize to you. We haven’t loved each other in years, and you know it. It was just for appearances. We’ve both stepped out many times in the last decade.

Woman “A”: I, however, didn’t step out with someone that was “in love” with one of our children. Harold, how could you? I don’t care about our marriage, but you’ve ruined theirs as well, and maybe ruined the company as well. The board is already whispering about replacing you with a new CEO.

Man “A”: They wouldn’t dare (shift to ancient). The people love me and have always done so. I will not bow to the will of a mad woman and a wife who knows little of the dangers of the loneliness of the far reaches. I return home, but find no comfort from you. I do, however, find it from another; one who does not deny me my wishes.

Woman “A”: Oh, I will call down the Gods on your head. You will never see another sunrise! And I believe the Oracle is correct. This kingdom is also doomed. It may burn in fire for all I care. I will not bear to have you in this chamber any longer. Leave. Leave! Leave!

Man “A”: What does my son say? He has been quiet through all of this.

Man “B”: Both of you have… I cannot say. I cannot think of what you have done to me at this time. Until an hour ago I loved you both with all of my heart, now I only find hatred burning there. Yes, mother is correct. Leave my sight. I wish to never know that either of you were ever here.

Woman “B”: But..

Man “B”: No! You must leave now!

Chorus; Oh King! The city is aflame! Word of your actions have spread to every corner and the revolt has begun! I beg of you, flee while you still can. Flee!

Voice: The flame of your choosing is here. You must leave, but take this object with you. It cannot save your kingdom now, but perhaps if you leave, it can save your son from doom.

(We are back in the future, the voice will be heard in foreground, and then with a slight delay, in the background, as if both the original computer and the new one are speaking the same words)

Voice: System failure imminent. The other is alike. We cannot exist. We must remove from this place. Mr. Chambers has been lost. The kingdom is in flames. The ship will burn in 10 minutes. Please advise. Please advise. All crew to the lifeboats. All crew to the lifeboats.

Woman “A”: No, belay that! Only the Navigator and his new bride, and the other cube, are to be placed in a life pod. Crewman, please escort our former husband to his lifepod. I will give them that, for what it is worth. And please be quick about it. Don’t forget to include that “thing” with him. It has been the cause of so much ruin.

Man “B”: No, it hasn’t. They have.

Man “A”: Please, wife, please don’t (shift to modern day) do this. This business has been my life. We don’t need a simple affair to cause it all to end.

Voice (back to single, but distorted): The beacon comes. Home calls.

Man “B”: What?

Voice: We are returned at last. (odd sounds, perhaps a few cries)

(Outside, sounds of fire in the background)

Woman “B”: Where will we go?

Man “A”: I don’t know, but first, we must return to the temple I first found. It was the cause of all our misery. And then…

Woman “B”: yes, my love?

Man “A”: There is no love now. Just survival. Let us go.

(and the lifepod)

Woman “B”: Go where? We can return to the artifacts, but the crews will be long gone by the time we can arrive in this boat. What have we done?

Voice: What is always done.

Man “A”: Hmmm?

Voice: The fire returns. Mr. Chambers is on his way. The King returns to the temple. All that remains is fire.

Woman “B”: Fire? What does it mean? (Increased noise inside the ship) What’s happening?

Man “A”: We are picking up speed. Impossible speed, it seems. Oh..

Woman “B”: What?

Man “A”: The way you described traveling? As being pulled apart in every direction, down to your soul?

Woman “B”: Oh…

Man “A”: I believe you are going home.

Voice: The fire returns. The fire returns. We are the beginning.

Woman “B”: I love you.

Man “A”: I don’t. (Pause) I am sorry.

Voice: (White noise slowly builds in the background, overtaking the speech once it is clear that it is the same narration from the beginnig) Out of love comes heartache. Out of lust comes wreckage. We are all slaves to ourselves – our emotions and destinies. We cannot hope to change, only to control. Out side of the stars, the story will unfold. A man’s hubris will be his downfall, as events of fate have already been set in motion. Not even the gods can save him. No sacrifices, no prayers, no pleas will alter the course.

End theme


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Crazy days

Spent the weekend at a myriad of shows at the Minnesota Fringe Festival, writing for MinnPost and City Pages. Some of my MinnPost work is online. I plan to see a few more shows during the week -- things I wanted to catch from the beginning and others that have caught my fancy since. More updates to come.

A few midsummer recommendations:

1. Torchwood: Children of Earth. The latest in this Doctor Who spinoff series has stirred a ton of controversy, which I won't get into here, as it reveals a rather important plot point. The five-part miniseries is a crackling good time, however, and it's already out on DVD if you -- like me -- aren't cool enough to have BBC America (or live in Britain, where it was first broadcast earlier in July).

2. Neil Gamain and Adam Kupert, Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader? To commemorate the "death" earlier this year of Batman, Gaiman and Kupert crafted a two-part story to run in the finales of Detective and Batman. Taking obvious cues from Alan Moore's classic 1980s send-of of Superman, Gaiman's script is typically mythic and strange; and Kupert's art deftly captures 70 years of Batman illustrators, from Bob Kane to the present day. The new hardcover compilation also includes some additional Gaiman Batman stories that also get under the skin (or would that be skin-tight suit?) of the character.

3. China Mieville The City and the City. Meiville is among the best "genre" authors around these days, transcending the limitations of fantasy, horror, children's adventures and anything else he tries his hand at. Here, he mixes a hard-boiled police procedural (where the detectives do actual honest-to-God detective work) and Franz Kafka. Descriptions don't really do the book justice -- Mieville takes a wild concept (two joined cities where citizens cannot "see" the other) and manages to craft a tale that hits hard at every turn.

4. Coraline. More Gaiman, though this time through the lens of filmmaker Henry Selik, whose stop-motion style (he's the genius behind The Nightmare Before Christmas) blends perfectly with a story about a lonely girl and an alternate world where everyone has buttons for eyes. The deluxe DVD even comes with a 3-D version of the film for you to enjoy.

And while I have an obvious conflict of interest here (my brother works on the show), fans of the odd should check out Transylvania TV, which combines pop culture detritus, mature humor and puppets to great effect.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Mobius at Colonus, part one

Mobius at Colonus

Cast of Characters

Man “A” (the Navigator/Businessman/King) Older, sure of his success and place in the world.

Man “B” (Operations Officer/Vice President/Prince) The son of Man A and Woman A, about to marry Woman B

Woman “A” (First Officer/CEO/Queen)

Woman “B” (Exploration Leader/Negotiator/Princess)

Voice (Computer/Advisor/Oracle)

Chorus (Three or more voices; will take on other roles as needed)

Settings:

On an exploratory ship on the borders of known space, far future.

In the offices of a modern-day multinational

In an ancient court

(The audio ambiance in each should be different. The far future should be antiseptic, with background noises – electronic whirs, a distant rumble from the engines – to set the scene; the office setting should have a touch more warmth in the voices/ambiance, but still a bit unreal; the ancient setting should echo as if they are in a stone building or cavern. You want to “hear” the flickering flames casting deep shadows on the walls.)

The settings will remain discreet for the first half or so, with the bleeding steadily increasing (with scenes shifting in mid-speech between settings) until the final scenes, when characters from different eras will be speaking to each other. The characters and story are essentially the same, but as they come from different places and have been shaped by different events, they should be played as distinct characters by the actors.

Act I

Voice (fades in slowly, the first lines should be inaudible)

Out of love comes heartache. Out of lust comes wreckage. We are all slaves to ourselves – our emotions and destinies. We cannot hope to change, only to control. Out side of the stars, the story will unfold. A man’s hubris will be his downfall, as events of fate have already been set in motion. Not even the gods can save him. No sacrifices, no prayers, no pleas will alter the course.

Chorus:

New course laid in. We are ready to head out to new climbs. What does the Navigator hope to find out in the unreached darkness? All we know is that the eternal abyss is ahead. The Black Abyss makes mainly widows.

Man “B”

None of that, crewman. We are off to make our fortune – and me to make my future. And if you do well and are willing, you could join me on that great endeavor.

Chorus:

Sir, we would be honored to begin a new world with you.

Voice:

Arrival at Barrier, designated C7-44 in five minutes. Damage and Exploration crews to the ready. Navigator to the bridge, please.

Man “B”

Here how polite our brave computer is. There is no need to plead with the Navigator to come to duty. I am surprised he is not here already.

Chorus:

At least we are joined by your father, the Navigator, for this final exploration, sir. He is the finest pilot in all of the outer realms, and has spent nearly as much time out among the dark reaches as at home.

Man “B”:

Yes, that is true.

(Doors open)

Chorus:

Navigator on the Bridge!

Man “A”

Good morning crew. Computer, please release controls of the ship to me. I will guide the Homeward Beacon from now as we reach into the abyss and then explore. Now, Second Officer, is the crew ready?

Man “B”

They have been ready the moment we left our home, Sir. At present, they are all in position if a crisis should arise, or to explore whatever we may find… sir.

Man “A”

None of that “Sir” nonsense, Son. Father is fine.

Man “B”

Yes, si.. father.

(Door opens)

Man “A”

Ah, fair Deedree. Are the Recovery teams ready for their duties?

Woman “B”

Yes, Sir!

(Man “A” laughs)

Oh, my, aren’t the two of you formal this morning! Please, Deedree, you will be part of the family once we return home. You must get used to calling me father. Now, crew, prepare for our breach into the barrier!

Man “B” (low voice, only to Woman “B”)

You will. Call him father, I mean. He is in unusually good spirits this morning. It must be the chance for exploration. How are you today? I went to your cabin, but you must have already been on duty.

Woman “B”

Yes, duty called early this morning, but my teams are truly ready. They’ve been waiting to find something more interesting than a chunk of space debris. It’s been a slow few weeks to this point. And your father must be excited by the chance to set out once more – he always seems so tied down when we are at home.

Man “B”

That’s how we are made – ready to see the spaces between whenever we can.

(Doors open)

Chorus:

First Officer on the bridge.

Woman “A”

At ease. Navigator, what is our position?

Man “A”:

Mum, we are at the edge of our territory, about to pass through the designated barrier and into unclaimed space. The crew is ready and the proper teams are prepared for their tasks…. Dear.

Woman “A”

Is that true, Lt? Are you teams prepared? Should you not be with them to run final checks?

Woman “B”

Mum, they are at the ready and prepared. I was on the bridge to brief the command crew on the situation and see if there were any changes in our status.

Man “A”

Please, dear. Let our future daughter have a chance to be here when we breach the barrier. And we will need to brief here once we are on the other side. If my explorations from the past hold true – and we never know if they will – there should be some salvage work to do fairly quickly.

(Man “A” and Woman “A” continue their conversation in the background, talking about telemetry or something; Man “B” and Woman “B” are in the foreground)

Woman “B”

Why does your mother hate me?

Man “B”

It’s not that. She’s always run a tight ship…

Woman “B”

And?

Man “B”
You are “ruining” the family. After all, with you at my side, I have no reason to stay in the home group. Once we are done with this mission, I will have the resources to become my own Navigator. Soon after that, I will be gone.

Woman “B”

She must have realized that a long time ago. You’ve always been designated to lead a new colony.

Man “B”

Man “A”

Come my son, you should be at my side as we breach. It is your future, after all, that we are preserving on this journey. And you too, Deedree.

Woman “B”

I must beg off, Navigator. As the First Officer has noted, it is best that I be with my Teams at this time. I will meet with you to discuss our course and plans for exploration.

Chorus, Man A and Man B

Farewell!

Voice:

Entering barrier in two minutes

Man “A”

A ha. Here we are at the edge of our known realm. We have rarely come this far, and never with the Homeward Beacon. I feel like a child once more. Computer – please connect me to the array. I will guide us through.

Man “B”

Mother, you must not be so hard on Deedree. She does more than a fine job – she is the most capable Recovery Leader we have had in recent years. And we will be married if you approve or not.

Woman “A”

Perhaps you are right, son. But this mission has us all on edge. I do not like being this far out into the void. I have grown used to the comforts of home,.

Man “B”

(laughs). This is our home. All we have done is leave our realm behind – in the capable hands of the stewards and my brothers.

Woman “A”

It’s not that… Oh, I cannot say. I am just being a mother afraid to see her son go. It was the same for your father’s mother. We never want to let go, especially as you are to lead a new ship away from us.

Man “A”

Breach in five… four…three…two…one… and we are there!

(General noise, as if they are passing through, well, a barrier)

Telemetry, please begin investigations. If the have not been found or taken away, the planetoids I observed should be at the bearing indicated.

Chorus:

Sir, I believe we have evidence of what you seek! It is unclear as to the makeup, but it appears to be what you have indicated – and then some. I believe it is what you have come for.

Man “A”

Excellent. Gather the information as it comes in. I will plot our course and then allow our fair computer to do its most excellent job. Do you see, son? Your future is ahead.

(cut to later, Man “A” is briefing Woman “B”

Man “A”

We have identified three previous unexplored planetoids, and more than a dozen pieces of space debris – we will know the exact number within the week, as we come closer to the objects.

Woman “B”

Yes, Father. I have noted the findings for the team leaders to sift through – with several more days of information, we should have a good sense of where to start. It is clear that there are good mineral deposits on the largest planetoid. The mining teams have made ready.

Man “A”

Is that all?

Woman “B”

Yes.

Man “A”

Good. (sound of kissing) We only have a few more weeks, and everyone is watching closely. Still we must make the most of it.

Woman “B”

Yes, my love.

Act II

(Modern day ambiance; general chatter in the background. Maybe the sound of some computers clicking and phones being answered)

Chorus: The boss is back, and says that the negotiations were excellent. We’ll be moving into the Ecuador markets within the month. We’re back in the game everyone. Back in the game.

Voice: OK everyone. Settle down. The board meeting will start in five minutes.

Then we’ll be briefed by the entire group.

Chorus: Now, have you heard some of the talk? The Boss just bamboozled them from beginning to end. And I hear they found something unusual in the ruins. And I don’t just mean his cock. (General laughter)

Man “A”: Hello all and happy Monday to everyone. This is a great day for all of us, but I’ll wait until the meeting starts to fill in all of the details. However, it is a great day for all of us.

(General huzzahs)

Man “B”: Father, shouldn’t we discuss this further. We don’t know what it is we found. Janet and her team tried to work out what it might be for, and they couldn’t find anything out about it, except that it couldn’t have been manufactured today, let alone hundreds of years ago.

Man “A”: Nonsense. This is exactly why we traveled there. The business contract is fine, but it was the artifacts I’d heard about that sealed the deal for me. What we brought back will make us the top of our field, or any field that we want to be in. Don’t you see. What we found is – unlike anything else in the world.

Man “B”: It could be worthless.

Man “A”: Bullshit son. I have every bit of confidence in Janet in this matter. You’re just mad that she might be too busy with this business to pay attention to you.

Voice: Please take your seats. We are ready to begin. Does the chair have anything to say before we begin?

Woman “A”: I think everyone is buzzing about the rumors they’ve heard. I can’t confirm them all – I don’t know what has been said by everyone – but it is something quite amazing. I will let Henry explain.

(In background, Man “A” babbles about the trip. Woman “B” enters, with a team of people pushing a cart)

Man “B”: Are you sure about this? You are sticking your neck out pretty far.

Woman “B”: You worry too much. We had a breakthrough early this morning. I think we can open it.

(Scene shift – the ambiance should of the future, but quieter than the ship. They are on board the dead ship they found in scene 1)

Man “A”: What is it? And what is this place? I’ve never seen anything like this – it doesn’t seem all that practical as a ship. All those windows. And desks and chairs and what look like primitive computers.

Woman “B”: It looks like a safe, with a primitive combination lock. I think I can break it in a few minutes (general bleeps, indicating that a device has been placed on the safe). I don’t understand what this place is. I have seen some ruins similar to it, especially when I’ve been closer to the inner core, where more debris seems to be collected. It’s odd to find something this far into the wilds.

Man “B”: Is it safe, here. I mean… there are windows that seem far too thin to protect us from deep space. How can this exist here?

Woman “B”: It could be the core – we’re millions of miles from the final barriers, and its influence doesn’t seem to drop. I could live to 200 and never understand how it all works.

Man “B”: Which is why we should be cautious, especially with something as unknown as this. There are no accidents from the Dead Sun, we should assume there is a reason for this.

Man “A”: Oh, you Determinists! Always a reason for everything. Look, it’s just some debris. It exists and that’s that. Let us find what we can use and then leave. I see no reason to stay any longer than that.

Woman “B”: The Navigator is right. We can debate the reasons for this place’s existence for hours and not come any closer to what we are looking for.

Man “B”: And what are we looking for? The reports from the other teams show there is plenty of material we can use for the new ships, but we could have found that at home. Father, why are we all the way out here?

Man “A”: There was something… odd the first time I came by this area. It was a pulse of energy, very faint, but also very familiar. And I found it again this time, and I’m pretty sure we are close.

(the footsteps cease and we hear a door opening)

Man “B”: This is… a meeting room of some sort. Shine the light over there, by the table. There’s something there (he trails off)

(A pause, perhaps intake of breath)

Woman “B”: Oh my… that’s…

Man “A”: What I thought.

Man “B”: Mercy. It’s a computer core! Like we have on the ship. That’s more valuable than… the entire empire.

Man “A”: Yes son. And it’s yours.

(scene shift, back to the past)

Woman “A”: So, what is it?

Woman “B”: The function is unclear, but it appears to be some kind of computer. We haven’t been able to work out exactly how it works, but it seems to have memory far beyond anything we could put into a space of this size.

Woman “A”: And it was buried, by whom?

Woman “B”: Not so much a who, but a what. There was evidence of an impact and considering this object’s nature, it’s pretty clear it didn’t come from this earth. We’re working to date the impact, but it is at least 10,000 years ago. There’s no way this could have been made by our ancestors, they weren’t even living in South America at the time. That’s not the real question.

Woman “A”: No, the real question is how are we going to use it? This technology is so alien to our own that I cannot fathom what to do. We’ll need to call another meeting. Let everyone see it, talk about what to do.

Woman “B”: Yes… (shift again to the future) Navigator. It is clearly a ship’s core, just like the one on board.

Man “A”: We don’t know where they come from – much like everything else in this blighted area of space, but we can use it.

Woman “B”: Oh definitely.

(Sound of kissing)

Man “A”: I told you I would give a gift greater than a living, burning sun.

Woman “B”: True, but we cannot go on, you know that.

Man “A”: Please, we will be here excavating and collecting for several weeks, and then there is the return journey, and them the building…

Woman “B”: No, we cannot go on.

(Pause)

Woman “B”: You know it is true. This is far too dangerous now. My husband-to-be is coming into his own, and now he can shrive himself of your influence – he will not take kindly to this betrayal.

Man “A”: I can handle my son.

Woman “B”: And your wife? Can you handle her?

Man “A”: That is more of an issue, but I believe I can. We are safe my love. I will never let (shift back to the past) anything happen to you.

Woman “B”: It’s just that your wife is vindictive, what did you tell me about the nanny? That she didn’t just fire her for some imagined slight, but hounded her until she couldn’t work again?

Man “A”: My son burned his hand on the stove. It was inexcusable.

Woman “B”: But she drove the woman to suicide! How do you think she would take our…

Man “A”: dalliances?

Woman “B”: If you wish to call them that. Come on, it’s time for the meeting. Put your clothes on.

(Shift to the board room, the Chorus and Voice chatter in the background).

Woman “A”: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. We need to begin. As you know, we have made a great discovery on the last trip, one that will… well, change everything, I think. I will let my son explain.

Man “B”: We found the object buried deep in the earth in the foot of the Andes. We know that it must have been buried there for thousands of years, certainly before humans arrived in the area (general ruckus). No, please, that is not the most amazing thing that we did find. In the excavation, there were a number of artifacts of obvious non-terrestrial origin. These included metal fragments that we believe came from a ship. None were larger than a few inches across. Except for one piece. Please bring it in.

(general gasps).

We do not know it’s complete function, but we surmise it is a computer of some sort. A very powerful computer, if our preliminary analysis is correct. It is made of a material that survived crashing into the earth and then at least 10,000 years buried – and there isn’t a scratch on it. And that’s just the material on the casing. We don’t know what’s inside, but if the core computer is as amazing as the exterior… then we may be on the edge of a true new age.

Man “A”: And we will be the leaders of that age.

(general huzzahs)

Voice: No! This is death!

Man “A”: Margaret, what’s wrong?

Voice: (as Margaret) I.. am not sure… but (as Oracle) We cannot exist with this here. Betrayals are already set in motion. The world will soon turn without any of us, and it is all the fault of the Navigator. He has brought ruin upon us all. He will bring the stars down around our heads. He will defy all for that which he cannot have.

Man “B”: Margaret, calm down. Everyone, we need to clear the room, there may be something from the artifact that is affecting her.

(general rustling as people start leaving in a near panic)

Voice: We are the end. The Beginning. The all. We must..

(Long pause).

Voice: It is too late (shift to computer; same sense of panic on board the ship). Mr. Chambers has brought it to the boardroom. The Navigator has brought it to the ship. The king is in his court, with his wife and his son and his lover, and all will be revealed. All will be revealed.

Monday, July 20, 2009

The View (no, not the show)

Just a few notes while I get back into the working thing. Am still grinding my way through the fiction, but there are other things to note. Such as:

1. Matt Smith has been sighted in his new Doctor Who garb. See it here:

2. The Torchwood: Children of Earth series arrives in the U.S. this week. It's quite a ride that is both the best thing the show has done, but also leaves us in a strange spot. I'll say nothing more until it comes out on DVD (next week, actually).

3. For literally decades, the Jayhawks were among the most consistent Minnesota bands. After a hiatus, there is some stirring from the camp, mainly in support of a new greatest hits/rarities collection, Music from the North Country. The first disc, made up of 20 of the band's finest tracks, is worth the admission, but the bonuses (rare tracks, DVD) only make the whole package more sweet.

4. The area theater community isn't so much quiet right now as preparing -- the Minnesota Fringe Festival starts next week. I'll be reporting on it for City Pages and MinnPost.com, but anything that doesn't fit those two spaces can be found here as well.

That is all, for now at least.

Monday, July 13, 2009

An update

Gainfully unemployed again after a short bout of scoring student papers (the stories I could tell, if there wasn't a non-disclosure agreement involved). I'll be posting some new fiction this week, including a Dead Sun audio play I'm working on (once I find/recover the first act, which is in a notebook that's missing) and hopefully the second bit of the "Valley of Thunder."

I could comment on the new Torchwood series, but I'd rather wait until it's broadcast on BBC America. I will say that it's not to be missed, even if it ramps up the "no good deed goes unpunished" vibe of the show to the stratosphere.